if i did everything that my spam mail told me to...

...then i would:

• get online RIGHT NOW and buy prescription medicine...probably from canada too...
• let William Cheng intimate a money fund transfer of magnitude proportions (i mean this in only the cleanest way possible)
• probably be able to understand "KQJFUDREKLCEKBKGZDHJW..."
• never have "bout to mizz mah burthdai"
• believe that it was divine intervention that Mr. Cann Eric Pettigrew contacted me and want me to swoon over him and his $3.5 million investment
• have ordered a lot of Sony Vaio's
• never report my income and always be in contact with the IRS' hotmail account
• own a lot of discounted Rolex watches
• and I would probably be multilingual, specializing in Chinese and Romanian.

BUT, unfortunately my torrid love affair with Mr. Pettigrew will never be, and for now, i will be an ignorant mono-linguistic person. BUT not a day goes by where i am fascinated by the subject lines of said e-mails, and more so fascinated by the people who actually respond.

NOTE: I do keep a side file of really great junk e-mails for me to read on bad days. They always seem to do the trick!